I should have seen you
by SwanQueenEndGame
Summary: One-Shot, dark, character's death. When trying it's not enough and the pain was just to much for Regina. A letter, a memory, a shadow. SwanQueen


The characters belong to Once Upon a Time and ABC.

Just doing this to clear my head.

My head was a mess when I wrote this. I like it though, you may like it you may hate me I don't know.

Hope you'll enjoy.

* * *

It was so hard to breath, to think, impossible to talk or to move. The pain inside her chest was growing fast making her body squirm violently. It seemed like her lungs were going to collapse inside her and for a moment she felt tears rolling down her face.

She was dying and she couldn't help but smile, the poison was working. Even while planning her own death Regina had quite a sense of humor, a poisoned apple, the beginning and the end of her misery.

She coughed and saw the blood coming out of her mouth and her lips getting red, this time no lipstick was needed.

Regina closed her eyes trying to enjoy the little air her lungs were still able to give her. Do you know how people say that when you're dying your life passes right in front of your eyes? Well, it's a lie, only a few images were in the brunette's mind, two brown eyes, her son's eyes.

_My son_ she thought painfully _Her son_ the thought made her bite her own lip making it bleed, blood meeting blood, it didn't hurt, at least she couldn't notice the difference with the pain in her chest growing, expanding.

Another image, this time an older woman's face, her mother. _You were right you know?_ the brunette said inside her own head _Love is weakness mom, now I know it_ then it was her father's face that glowed inside her head and for the first time in a long time she felt warm inside _I'm so sorry dad_ was her only thought, he was her only true regret, at least the only one she was ready to admit to herself.

She wasn't able to open her eyes again, she was too weak, she knew it would only take a few minutes until her heart failed her and then everything would go dark "Born from the darkness, and the darkness will be my home forever" she singed in her head but this time she didn't smile, she was too weak for that but inside she was laughing hard, every thought tasted bitter, or maybe it was just the taste of the poison still on her tongue.

She had tried, she truly had. Changing, leaving the darkness, learning to face the light without running away, but she had been submersed in darkness for so long, it had became part of her.

"I tried Henry, I have my little prince. But I was never good enough for anyone, for my mother, for this town, for me" she felt the pain growing almost driving her insane "For you" her thoughts were a mess "I just wanted you, always, but you wanted her" she was in agony as if she was drowning and she was, she was drowning in her own blood.

Regina took a deep breath one last time, or at least she tried and one last image appeared in her mind, Emma and Henry were looking at her but it seemed like they could see right through her, like she wasn't even there. "You have never seen me, never wanted to see me" she thought but strangely she felt happiness, while the image of the two faces she had loved most accompanied her to the darkness, in a few seconds she was dead.

The Queen was dead... No! The Mayor was dead... No! Regina was dead, not the Queen, not the mayor just Regina, because when we die everything we were, everything we've done means nothing we are just a name, just a memory and Regina would be just a letter, a letter she had left on the top of her office's desk, addressed to Emma. Just a letter, a shadow, a memory.

* * *

"_Let's cut the shit about how sorry I am for everything I've done, let's not pretend that you care, that you understand. I'm not hoping you will cry for me, no, I'm not even hoping that you'll feel bad about this. In fact I think I'm not hoping for anything at all, when you read this I'll be dead and dead people don't have hope. Well, when I was alive I didn't have it either so nothing changed._

_What can I tell you?_

_Should I tell you how much pain I've been through these last few months? How many times I've looked at you and Henry from a distance and cried like a fool? No, maybe I shouldn't._

_Should I tell you how many times I broke every single mirror in my place just so that I didn't have to see my face in it? How I waited for Henry to come home? No, I don't think I should._

_Maybe I should tell you that I was in love with you since the day you saved my son... your son. That I wanted you to see me for me, not like the Evil Queen, not like Henry's mom. Now that I think about it I shouldn't say that, it's weird isn't it? Well, I've said it already, deal with it Miss Swan._

_I know you don't care, I know you never did. I also know Henry wants to be with you, I know he couldn't love me, I don't blame him, no one was ever able to love me._

_Don't think I'm doing this to punish you or him, I'm not that evil dear, I'm doing this for me._

_I'm doing this because I want to forget things that not even the most powerful forgetting spell could make me forget, the feeling of breathing without being alive. I'm doing this because I wanted to run away, to a place no one knows my name, my face or my past. When we are dead Miss Swan we are nothing but a cold body on a bathroom floor, no name, no past, no regrets, no pain, just cold and silence, I like silence._

_I miss my horse, it's stupid isn't it? With so many clever things I could say I choose "I miss my horse" but it's true I do, when I was riding and I could feel the wind on my face and hair I was happy for a few minutes, when my feet were not touching the ground, when all my strength was concentrated to keep me on my horse's back I was happy, but that was so long ago._

_I will only miss two thing Miss Swan, Henry's hugs and your smile. Your smile because you've never hugged me, or..._

_I think that's all, no more words, no great speech ending, no perfect last sentence to be kept in a book. Just this._

_For the last time, goodbye Miss Swan. Goodbye Emma"_

When the blonde read the last sentence she was already crying, not sobbing just crying in silence Regina liked silence Emma thought.

She had found the letter half an hour before when she went to the Mayor's office looking for Regina, Henry was sick and she had been called for the brunette.

When the blonde stormed into the mansion and then into the bathroom it was too late. Regina was dead, sitting on the floor, her back against the cold wall her head resting against the wall, she had her eyes closed. Around her there was blood, only a sea of blood.

Emma knelt beside the brunette, the letter on her hand. She grabbed the other woman's head looking at her, only at her for the first time and she saw what she always knew she would find, a beautiful broken woman. The tears kept falling from Emma's eyes resting on Regina's face afterwards.

"You're so cold" Emma whispered knowing that the woman in her arms couldn't hear her. She took off her red leather jacket and put it around of the brunette's shoulders hugging her and then the sobbing started, painfully, violently, all her body giving in to the pain. She thought about what would Regina say if she saw her crying like that, the brunette would probably give her a sassy insult.

The sobbing became stronger, Regina wasn't there to insult her anymore, to hug Henry, to show her that rare and beautiful smile she allowed only Henry and sometimes Emma to see.

"Idiot" Emma mumbled into Regina's ears "I'm such an idiot" she continued.

"Idiot, idiot" she kept saying to herself again and again, hour after hour "Idiot".

"I should have seen" the blonde finally whispered after a while "I should have seen you"

THE END.


End file.
